Posting this is probably the most terrifying thing I've done in a very long time, and my heart has been pounding since filming and editing this.
Please do not watch this if you are sensitive to the topics of the following: Emotional/psychological abuse, grooming, depression, PTSD, Psychosis, suicide and references to sexual elements.
I want to help bring more awareness of the above subject matters; especially to younger, impressionable people who are looking to get into the music/entertainment industry. I feel that emotional and mental abuse are topics that aren't spoken about as much as other forms of abuse, yet can be just as damaging.
I wasn't expecting this topic to come up in one of my brand meetings with my team a couple of months back and you can see in the zoom call, I go from telling a brief description of my experiences to a very descriptive and detailed depth of the story as I got more comfortable opening up. I went into fair detail, but I also left out a lot of things that I really didn't want to share.
I've been wanting to tell this story for a very long time and have spent a LOT of nights going back and forth in my mind whether to share it or not. I feel like I've just never been able to let it go and I think this is one of the ways that will help me do this. I can't count how many times I've been up until 3am/4am, writing what I wanted to say in my iPhone notes, getting myself in emotional states, yet never ever getting around to finding the courage to do it! It wasn't until having this chat with my songwriting team and going through our zoom recording content that I realised this was the best way to share the story.
There are a lot of messages I want to reach out to people in this video. I don't have a huge following here on YouTube but if this video can help even just one person who is in a situation where they feel they can't get out of or even better, to prevent this from happening to someone else, I'll have played my part.
I mentioned briefly in the video that I refused to eat but I didn't explain why. This was during the time of the police investigations and it had eventually become inevitable for me after months and months of my body rejecting food due to severe anxiety and stress. No matter how much I tried to eat, I would gag and just couldn't keep my food down. I had gone through this at times when I was working with my ex-manager in London but not to this extent. I went to sessions and sessions with hypnotherapists but nothing could stop it. I dropped down to a dangerous weight and was constantly worrying that people would think it was an eating disorder. I was so desperate to be able to eat again but was extremely tired of my throat burning from throwing up and my stomach in knots from gagging. It got to the point where my mum had to force milkshakes down me, with my medication crushed in it because I also began to refuse the anti-depressants (due to paranoia from the hallucinations) I had just completely given up.
My parents really suffered through this with me and I have to mention, they were incredibly strong and were ultimately the reason I'm still here today, along with the doctors and crisis team. I'm incredibly grateful for them for not giving up on me and just wanted to say a massive thank you.
I'm so thankful and lucky that things didn't work for me at the beginning of my singing career and during that time in my life. I eventually saw the signs and had the strength to get out of a situation before things got any worse.
I never got round to releasing any of the music and music videos that I had spent those 2 years on. In all honesty, that debut album would have haunted me.
On a positive note, this whole experience has taught me a LOT!! Now I say "no" to people I don't get good vibes from and cut ties with anyone who wrongs me. Now, I'm doing the music I want to do, with the image I want to have. I don't have to be perfect, I allow myself to have insecurities and accept my flaws.
My mind is stronger, my body is stronger, my voice is stronger and my music is stronger!
Thank you so much for all the support! Sending so much love and good vibes to anyone who needs it :) I'm off to spend the Summer in the recording studios! xxxx
DEBUT ALBUM - COMING IN 2022!
Wrote the entire album in Lockdown on zoom calls! :) Rachelle Rhienne socials- https://linktr.ee/rachellerhiennemusic Rach xxxxxxx
P.s Shout out to my "IT TEAM", Jon and Marina, for helping me get through this. I love you both and can't wait to spend more epic nights vibing and writing hit songs with you guys from the other side of this crazy world :)